Where is my motivation?

I find it weird that I am less motivated with this pregnancy to have a natural childbirth. I'm not sure motivated is the right word though. I think I simply feel less confident. Strange isn't it? I mean, I've done this once. So surely I can do it again. But I'm just so worried about what I will do if I end up with the labor from hell, that's completely opposite from Drake's. I believe in my body and natural childbirth in general, and I know I will feel like I've failed if I get drugs or an epidural. But if I'm not coping well, I don't know if the fear of failure will be enough to help me go through with a NCB. We are doing hypnobabies again, and I really hope it works as well this time. Eric is being completely neurotic about answering his phone these days. Not surprising, but it is funny at times. He even takes it into the gym when he plays basketball, and will call me back (if I called him) in between tagging in and out.

I've been talking with the ladies at my favorite NCB message board, and some have suggested that maybe I'm more confident than what I think I am. I sure hope so. I hope my unconscious kicks into gear and takes over my mind/body when labor starts. I'll be 37 weeks on Tuesday. I'd like to make it to 39 weeks (at least) this pregnancy, in hopes of having a bigger baby. But I must say I am tired of being huge! My stomach is gigantic despite gaining little weight this pregnancy. I can't wait to bend over again, and to be able to play on the floor with Drake.

Drake's molars having FINALLY popped through the gum. And let me tell you, molars were hell. Pure hell. I am quite excited that's over. He continues to love his daily walks on the tricycle. He will ride forever if we let him. We go to the park 1-2 times a day if the weather is nice. He also has started playing soccer! It's really funny, but in the last week he has started chasing his balls around by kicking them. He doesn't lean over to pick them up, he just kicks them all over. It's super cute! Next summer, when he's 2 1/2, he can start a little summer soccer league in our neighborhood. It's done with a parent, and I know him and Eric will enjoy it.

I'm thrilled spring is here! I'm looking forward to maternity leave, and all the walks I'll be taking with my boys. I can't wait to meet Eli! We are going to the beach at the end of May, and I'm definitely looking forward to that. Eric can only stay Saturday- Monday, but I'll be there the entire week with my parents. I know Drake will having a blast playing on the beach with his Grandpa. Eli will still be quite a little tyke, but he will have lots of QT in the Moby wrap.

Tomorrow Drake has a checkup to make sure his ear infection is completely gone, and I have a 37 week midwife checkup. Busy day! Plus, I really want to make it to the outlet mall here for Drake's summer wardrobe. Carter's and Children's Place, here I come!!!