Thank You Rixa, for an honest look at birth trauma

So, I've had two amazing births. They were hard, but amazing. I was lucky enough to have everything go as planned. Well, kinda. There is the little issue of my husband not making it to Drake's birth. But I got the natural births I wanted. I was completely present, mentally and physically. It was just how I wanted. But I realize and acknowledge that I am one of the lucky ones.

There are so many women who prepare just as much as I did, and labor much harder than I did, only to end up with a traumatic birth. By traumatic, I'm not referring to just a C/S. I'm referring to traumatic as anything a Momma deems it to be. If they feel traumatized by it, then it is so. It's no one else's place to judge. I really do think women get PTSD from a bad birth experience. Not every woman with a poor experience feels that traumatized, but we should respect those that do.

What makes me really, really sad, is a Momma who is traumatized--only to be told it doesn't matter because her baby is healthy. It DOES matter. It's a fabulous and amazing thing that the baby and Mom are healthy. But for some people, the birth DOES matter.

Rixa is a woman I'd totally be friends with in real life, if we lived near each other. I swear she somehow enters my mind and writes my thoughts. One of her recent posts almost had me cheering out loud in my family room. I wanted to yell "You go girl!!! You tell them!!!" I don't even know who 'them' is, but I just loved her blog post titled "All That Matters".

Here is a link to it!

So, if you know anything about me at all, you know I fall in the Enya camp. Ya know, I did actually have quite a few Enya songs on my labor playlist. In any case, the her blog post will make me think twice before I ever tell another woman "Well he/she is here and healthy, and that's all that matters". From now on I think I'll be saying something along the lines of "I'm so happy you and baby are healthy and doing well. But I'm so sorry you didn't get the birth experience you wanted. I'm here if you ever want to talk about it.".

Eli David's Birth Story

Welcome to the world, sweet Eli! Eli was born at 5:13am on Tuesday, March 30, 2010. Six pounds, 2 ounces. Technically he was 1.6 ounces, but they rounded up. 18 entire inches long! He is healthy and handsome, and perfect in every way. I love going back and reading the details of Drake’s birth story, so Eli’s will probably be just as long.

For the week before Eli’s birth, I’d been having sporadic yet painful contractions. (From here on out referred to as PW- pressure waves). Sometimes they were regular Braxton Hicks PW, but some were painful and real. However, they were never extremely painful or regular. I think “uncomfortable” is a better word to describe them. The Thursday before Eli’s birth, I had actually called in sick to work for the day. I hadn’t slept the night before, I was hurting and uncomfortable, and nauseated at times. Things improved over the weekend, and we actually enjoyed the outside weather on Saturday. Sunday Drake went to Florence, for his cousin’s birthday party. Monday brought things back to the real world, and I headed to work for a ten hour shift. Completely uneventful, other than being asked 20 times when I was going to have this baby. That, and people saying they were surprised to see me still there. Monday night I went to a business dinner with Eric, but was home and in bed by 9pm.

At midnight, our dear dogs started barking and raising hell......seriously, it was ridiculous. I honestly thought someone was in the yard, or breaking into the basement. After ten minutes, they finally chilled out. However, I was so freaked out that I couldn’t go back to sleep. Interestingly enough, I realized after a few minutes that those annoying and uncomfortable PW were back. Now I was really ticked off: the dogs had woken me up, and the PW were keeping me up. So unfair! And I knew I couldn’t call out again; I really needed to save my hours for maternity leave.

By 12:30, I was confused. The PW weren’t going away, but I didn’t think I was lucky enough to have another baby at 38 weeks. I busted out my trusty Iphone, with the contraction timer app. There really is an app for everything. Immediately, the timer was showing them to be about 50-60 seconds long, and only 4-6 minutes apart. I still didn’t believe I was lucky enough for this to actually be my birthing time, but the contraction timer doesn’t lie. If they kept up like that for another 30 minutes, then they’d meet the 5-1-1 rule that is indicative of heading to the hospital. Sure enough, they were still strong and regular by 1am. While they were strong, they were still just uncomfortable. But since I know that my interpretation of just how “painful” PW are is “skewed” due to my hypnobabies, I recognized that this could actually be for real. About 1:15am, I decided to get up and see what happened with them. I called my midwives office at 1:22, and the OB nurse on call returned my call. That was strange and new since I had Drake. I’m assuming they implemented it to weed out the hypochondriacs that think they are dying at 2cm, and cut down on pages to the midwives. The nurse was super nice, and asked a bunch of question, and said she’d page the midwife on call. At about 2am, I decided it was finally time to wake Eric up. I told him that I wasn’t sure if this was for real or not, but that I thought it would be safe to get our stuff together and load it in the car.

The nurse said that if I didn’t hear back from the midwife in 30 minutes, to call them back. I gave Eric my phone, and headed outside to get in the hottub. I knew that the water would make me feel much better, and that it would slow/stop the PW if this was a false alarm. But, it didn’t. I got out of the hottub at 2:30am, perplexed that I hadn’t heard from the midwife on call. (It was Jan, one of my two favorites.) I had Eric page her again, while I got dressed. I was convinced that it was indeed my birthing time, so I told Eric we were going on to the hospital without hearing back from Jan. We got in the car, and I was listening to hypnobabies (HB) on my iphone. On the drive there, Jan called back- it was 2:47am according to my phone. The first thing out of her mouth was to profusely apologize for the delay in calling me back. Apparently, the answering service/OB nurse had paged the wrong midwife.

Let me just tell you how much I love Jan. She was the very first midwife I ever saw in the practice, over two years ago, when I was first pregnant with Drake. She is so loving, compassionate, and motherly. She’s from Wales, and calls me “love” and “darling” in every sentence. Except it sounds like “luuuuv”, and “daahhling” with her accent. She actually calls everyone love and darling, including Eric. Jan moved to one of the practice's satellite offices, which is just too far for me to drive for appointments. Tina is my other favorite midwife, and my primary caregiver. She delivered Drake! I was thrilled that Jan was on, if Tina wasn’t. And when I got there, Jan told me that Tina was coming on at 7am!!!!!! So, either way, one of my two favorite midwives was going to be catching Eli. I was happier than words can express.

So, back to the birth story. My dear nurse Becca (L-O-V-E-D her!!!) wrote down all the times and info for me, so I actually have all the information to write my birth story. Thank You!

Apparently, my official arrival time was 2:58am. Eric dropped me off at the maternity entrance door, and the security officer unlocked it and let me in. Eric parked, and I headed on down the hall. I went to the desk, and Jan was waiting with my chart. The secretary confirmed a few things, and asked for my insurance card. At this point, Eric walked in, and I was quite happy. It meant I no longer had to talk:-) I put my earphones back in, listened to HB, and let him deal with all the nonsense. He knew that if there was something he didn’t know the answer to, that it better be a life or death matter to interrupt my concentration. He handled a few more questions, and we headed to our room.

Jan and Becca took us down to our room, and they gave me a gown. I hate those gowns, so that immediately got tossed to the side. I simply stayed in the comfy shirt I’d arrived in, and ditched my sweat pants. They require a 20 minute strip on admission, so Becca got that while Eric set up the computer to play hypnobabies, and filled the tub. Becca didn't care what positions I got into to stay comfortable during those 20 mins, and I knew from that moment that we'd get along fabulously.

I also signed a couple of papers, and Jan checked me during that time. It was about 3:30am, and I was 5cm dilated/ 80% effaced. Eli’s heartrate was 135 on admission, just perfect. By 3:45 my dear husband had the tub filled, and I was climbing in to relax. Jan warned Becca before I got in that I would probably progress quickly. She told her that if I went super fast, and was pushing uncontrollably, to toss some towels on the floor and call her quickly. She said she’d just deliver me in the tub, since I probably wouldn’t be able to get out. I was so unbelievably ecstatic to hear that. Unofficially, I was hearing her say that I could potentially have a waterbirth if I wanted one (AKA accidentally had one due to fast progression).

Here I am, still happy in the tub. Sports bras and old swim suits are perfect for laboring in the tub, if being naked doesn't appeal to you. Eric kept my thermos of ice water filled. Becca offered me other stuff to drink, but I wasn't interested. I also had some serious heartburn from our earlier dinner, so I wasn't interested in food either. While the PW weren't fun, they were so very manageable. Even at the 5-6 cm I was. Either the HB was working very well, or my sense of pain/discomfort is off. If that's what 5-6 feels like for most people, then I can't for the life of me understand why people are freaking out at that, and begging for an epidural. The coping skills I've learned from HB are truly amazing. It was very peaceful and serene in the bath. We had the lights off (until Eric snapped a couple of photos), and the HB track "Easy First Stage" playing.

I only stayed in the tub about 25 minutes. The jacuzzi jets were great. I just chilled out and listened to the tracks. As good as it felt, I needed frequent changes in scenery. I decided to get out and try out the birth ball that Becca brought us.
At 4am, I was on the ball enjoying rocking around. Moving my pelvis in circles really helped the PW. I was probably about 6-7cm at this time (a guesstimate), and Eli's heartrate was 160 by a handheld doppler. Becca never once asked to put those annoying straps back on my belly after that initial strip. She really was the best. I was capable of smiling between PW. Even at this point, everything was very manageable.
By 4:15, things started to suck a little more. Still on the ball. The main issue now is that after every PW, I'd get super nauseated. While that sucked, I knew it was a good sign- I was transitioning! Eric put the trashcan beside the ball, and brought a cool washcloth.
We moved the bedside table, and put the ball right at the end of the bed. With every PW, I'd stand up to lean over the bed, while moving my pelvis in circles.
Things were getting more and more intense, and I was becoming more and more unhappy. Transition really does suck. Since I did it at home with Drake, and didn't realize what it was, I don't remember it being so bad. This time, I don't know if any amount of pregnancy and labor amnesia will wipe away how much transition sucked. The time between 8 to 10 cm just isn't fun. I was getting more and more nauseated with each PW. At one point, I got off the ball and leaned over the trashcan and absolutely puked my brains out. When I did, I ended up with some fluid on the floor underneath my legs. Becca asked if it was urine, or if I thought my water broke. I told her that I honestly had no idea. Since it was obvious things were progressing nicely, she called Jan back in. (We'd sent her to lay down for a rest while I was in the tub, and chillaxin on the ball). Only about 20 minutes had gone by since getting out of the tub, and it was now 4:30am. Jan checked me, and I was 8cm dilated, 100% effaced, and +1 station. Eli was engaging nicely in my pelvis, and I had a bulging bag of water. I asked her to just break it, in hopes I'd go straight to 10cm and we could get him out!!! Jan, knowing that wasn't truly what I wanted, talked me into waiting. While I look sorta peaceful in this photo, I certainly wasn't feeling peaceful.
After that check at 4:30am, Eric, Becca, and Jan all had their work cut out for them. I was quite unhappy. The first stop was the tub. It lasted maybe 20 seconds before I got out and threw up some more in the toilet. Then back to the birth ball. Jan was with me, putting pressure on my back and hips, which was heavenly. I only made it to probably 4:40 before demanding drugs. Jan left for a few minutes, to triage another lady who had come in. I was telling Becca that she needed to get my IV in, and get it in NOW! I'm not proud to say I definitely snapped at my sweet nurse. Eric was doing just as I asked, suggesting positions and tricks to get through this last bit. I told him that what I'd said before was irrelevant, that his only job now was to help me get drugs and an epidural. I demanded that the anesthesiologist on call be paged, even if I didn't have my IV yet. I "informed" Eric and Becca that it took at least five minutes to set up an epidural tray, and she'd surely have my IV in by that time.

For 20 minutes, they all managed to stall me from getting drugs. It seemed like 20 hours, but it really was only 20 minutes according to Becca's charting. By 5am, I was feeling pushy. No doubt about it. I hopped off the ball and climbed on the bed, leaning on the back of it, which was straight up. I was on my knees, and my body was instinctively pushing. I told them I was pushing, and couldn't stop, so she needed to hurry up and get ready to catch. She called Jan (who was assessing another lady), and she dashed back in. Jan checked me, and I was sure enough 10cm. Eli was down to +2 station by that point, and all that was left was to push him out. I again asked Jan to just break my water, and this time she did since I was complete. At 5:05am, she ruptured my membranes, and there was a huge tidal wave of clear fluid.

At that point, I got down to business with pushing. I knew that if I would start pushing effectively, then it would all be over. When we had first arrived at the hospital, I told Jan that Eric wanted to catch. I said it jokingly, and truly didn't expect her to let him help. But she did! At this point, Eric was still taking pictures. He knew that was really important to me. (I wish I would've had someone to video). He asked me in between contractions if I wanted him to keep taking pictures, b/c Jan had told him to get some gloves on. I told him that he could do whatever he liked- including catch. I knew that even though we always joked about it, he really would like to deliver one of his children.

It took a few good pushes to get sweet Eli's head out. Again, not an enjoyable time. I offered Jan money to get some forceps and just yank him out. She declined:-) My statements went from "Holy shit" during the ring of fire, to "Thank God that's over" after his head was out. During the delivery of his head, Jan asked Eric to move his hands for a moment, b/c Eli's head was getting stuck on something. Turns out, little stinker was a compound presentation with his hand up by his head. Jan said he was just trying to wave to us all! The amazing sense of relief after delivering his head made me quite lazy. Jan had to encourage me to muster up one more push to deliver his body. At that point, Eric already had his hands back on Eli head, and Jan grabbed his body as I finished one last push.

I love this next picture. Jan is in the green scrub top. Eric is on the left in the black sweater, so his arms are the two on the bottom. My hand is grabbing his left hand, helping pull Eli up to my tummy. And the little hand in front of Jan's chest? Yep, that's Eli! That was his hand that was causing the trouble. Despite all of that, it only took 8 minutes from when she ruptured my membranes, to when he was completely born. Those were the longest 8 minutes of my life.

After the cord stopping pulsing, Eric got to cut it. The cord was kinda short, so Eli had been on my tummy since birth. Finally, I was able to get my arms around him and snuggle him on my chest. Poor little stinker, his face was already black and blue from being turned funny, and having his hand by it.
It is amazing this sense of relief right after delivery, when the PW finally stop. Sweet relief! Women talk about the amazing high they get after natural childbirth. Well, I haven't really experienced what I'd call a high, with either birth. I just feel relief it's over. That's what I was thinking in the photo below. "It's over!!!" His Apgar scores were 9 and 10- Awesome!
Snuggling while Jan delivered the placenta and checked out the damage Eli's hand caused. Stinker!
After Jan was all finished, Eric climbed in bed for skin to skin with our sweet baby boy, covered in a bunch of warm blankets.
On the scale. He was six pounds, and 1.6 ounces. They rounded up to 2 ounces.
By 8am, I took a shower and put on fresh pajamas. And had some snuggle time:-)
His first bath! It was about lunch time by this point. The nurses will do it in the nursery if you'd like, or they let the parents do it. My nurse was Marilyn (same nurse I had when Drake was born), and I had a student nurse named Adam. Marilyn asked if I minded if she taught Adam and two other students how to do a bath and newborn exam. Of course, I didn't. I'm all about nurses learning;-)
Marilyn and Adam
Sweet Eli




About 11am, Drake and Grandma arrived from Florence! I'd like to say he was so excited about Eli, but I think it had more to do with seeing Mommy and Daddy after being gone for two days. He was wide open, and nothing but smiles. We were so excited to see him, and introduce him to Eli. He is completely oblivious to Eli, and what him being here means. 15 months is just too young to understand.
Grandma and Eli
First family photo!!!
What most of our photos actually look like. Drake struggling to escape, and me protecting Eli.
The rooms all have dry erase boards for the staff to write on. I love that they wrote Happy Birthday to Eli.
And so it begins. Drake reaching for anyone that has Eli:-)
My fabulous nurse Becca.
Eric and Daddy on Wednesday morning
Showered and ready to go home. It took forever to get out of there. We were ready to walk out the door by 8am, but didn't get to leave til 10:30am.
On his way home- Welcome to the world Eli!

Where is my motivation?

I find it weird that I am less motivated with this pregnancy to have a natural childbirth. I'm not sure motivated is the right word though. I think I simply feel less confident. Strange isn't it? I mean, I've done this once. So surely I can do it again. But I'm just so worried about what I will do if I end up with the labor from hell, that's completely opposite from Drake's. I believe in my body and natural childbirth in general, and I know I will feel like I've failed if I get drugs or an epidural. But if I'm not coping well, I don't know if the fear of failure will be enough to help me go through with a NCB. We are doing hypnobabies again, and I really hope it works as well this time. Eric is being completely neurotic about answering his phone these days. Not surprising, but it is funny at times. He even takes it into the gym when he plays basketball, and will call me back (if I called him) in between tagging in and out.

I've been talking with the ladies at my favorite NCB message board, and some have suggested that maybe I'm more confident than what I think I am. I sure hope so. I hope my unconscious kicks into gear and takes over my mind/body when labor starts. I'll be 37 weeks on Tuesday. I'd like to make it to 39 weeks (at least) this pregnancy, in hopes of having a bigger baby. But I must say I am tired of being huge! My stomach is gigantic despite gaining little weight this pregnancy. I can't wait to bend over again, and to be able to play on the floor with Drake.

Drake's molars having FINALLY popped through the gum. And let me tell you, molars were hell. Pure hell. I am quite excited that's over. He continues to love his daily walks on the tricycle. He will ride forever if we let him. We go to the park 1-2 times a day if the weather is nice. He also has started playing soccer! It's really funny, but in the last week he has started chasing his balls around by kicking them. He doesn't lean over to pick them up, he just kicks them all over. It's super cute! Next summer, when he's 2 1/2, he can start a little summer soccer league in our neighborhood. It's done with a parent, and I know him and Eric will enjoy it.

I'm thrilled spring is here! I'm looking forward to maternity leave, and all the walks I'll be taking with my boys. I can't wait to meet Eli! We are going to the beach at the end of May, and I'm definitely looking forward to that. Eric can only stay Saturday- Monday, but I'll be there the entire week with my parents. I know Drake will having a blast playing on the beach with his Grandpa. Eli will still be quite a little tyke, but he will have lots of QT in the Moby wrap.

Tomorrow Drake has a checkup to make sure his ear infection is completely gone, and I have a 37 week midwife checkup. Busy day! Plus, I really want to make it to the outlet mall here for Drake's summer wardrobe. Carter's and Children's Place, here I come!!!

NIkki's Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy

So, the title of this post is also the title of a book I read while pregnant with Drake. It was easy reading, but it's not on my list of "must-reads" for pregnancy. But it's a cute and catchy title, I have to admit. I wanted to write my last post about unsolicited advice (that was actually solicited), with more reference and less bias. But I feel like I did my pregnant friends a disservice, because I did not say a lot of things that I feel are really important to say. This post is a lot more of my opinion and personal thoughts. But I really think they should be shared, in case my pregnant friends never hear them from anyone else. I got so sick of people constantly giving advice, opinions, and horror stories while I was pregnant. Especially when I didn't ask for it. For that reason, I'm just putting my two cents on my blog, rather than discussing it with each friend. It's much easier to just close out this website, than to tell me to shut the hell up. :-)

It kinda goes back to what I've already said a million times before- if you don't like what I have to say on my blog, then QUIT READING.

So here goes.

There is this little thing called the cascade of interventions. It's kinda like a slippery slope. You know, where you innocently choose one thing, which leads to the next, and the next, and the next, and before you know it you are in a situation you really didn't want? I have seen that happen WAY too many times. Every single C-section I've done at work that is indicated b/c of "Failure to Progress", is usually (or so it seems) because of this cascade of interventions.

So how do you not become a victim of this cascade? A- Educate yourself. B- Choose a care provider who does not routinely perform unneeded interventions. You'll read more about all the interventions throughout this post.

1. Inductions. Just don't do it, unless it's medically necessary. What do I mean? Basically, there are two reasons for inductions. Those that are medically necessary, and those that are for convenience. People have many reasons for convenience inductions. And if having a c/s doesn't bother you, then this probably doesn't even matter to you. (Go right ahead in other words). But I just want you to know that having your labor induced, especially with a first baby, will more likely lead to a c/s, than going into labor spontaneously. I don't care what your OB tells you, this is the truth. If you think about it, an induction usually works out better for your OB as well. They can hopefully have you delivered before their dinner plans. No surprise 3 am wakeup calls.

So, what about medically indicated C/S? This is where I feel women should really educate themselves if they are put in this situation. Do not blindly and ignorantly follow your OB's recommendations, without at least doing a little bit of your own research. Preeclampsia is a great reason for induction. So is a true IUGR. (Intrauterine growth retardation). A serious and severe decrease in amniotic fluid can be dangerous and a good reason for induction. But ask what your numbers are, and do some research about it. Make sure the fluid levels are as dangerously low as your OB claims they are. Do not blindly follow their advice!

You are not "overdue" until you are 42 weeks. Average gestation is about 41 weeks and 3 days, when pregnancy is left alone, and nature takes over. I'm sure it's miserable, but it's still a suck ass reason to induce. Another personal pet peeve of mine is inducing for "big babies". First off, ultrasounds royally suck at guesstimating weights. They can be TWO pounds off. Secondly, I happen to believe that our bodies don't grow babies so big that our bodies can't deliver them. I even mean that for Mom's with gestation diabetes!

So, if you have a medical indication for induction, it's important to consider your Bishop's score. There a few categories that go into determining your score, and I won't go into it here. But ask what your score is, and what it means. (The short version is that your Bishop's score helps tell you how successful your induction will be (or will not be).

2. Firing your OB/MW.

You are a customer. A paying customer. One with a brain, and a choice. You do NOT have to stay with your OB/MW. You can usually switch practices, all the way up to your third trimester. If you aren't having calls returned, or visits that answer your questions, or just aren't feeling a connection with your care provider.....then do NOT be afraid to switch. If your care provider degrades you or speaks down to you, then they aren't being respectful. If they do this while your pregnant, what's going to happen when you are in labor? You will be at your most vulnerable then, and probably unable to advocate for yourself. You really need a care provider that you trust and respect, and more importantly they should trust and respect you. Their care philosophies should match yours. And don't be afraid to ask blunt and difficult questions. This is YOUR body, YOUR baby, and YOUR birth. You are calling the shots here. Your care provider is not a god. Yes, they may have gone to med school or midwifery school, but they are still not a god. Do not blindly trust them. Educate and empower yourself. Make decisions WITH them, rather than sitting back and letting them make them for you. Our maternity system can sometimes be quite patriarchal, and encouraging of Mom's to sit back, shut up, and do as they are told. But you are the patient, and you have a choice. A choice about EVERYTHING. From who takes care of you, to whether you eat in labor, to what you feed your baby. Educate yourself, empower yourself, and STAND UP for yourself. You deserve it.

3. Hospital policy.

This is kind of a spin off from number two. Don't feel like you have to be a "good little girl" as a patient. No matter what "hospital policies" exist, they aren't going to kick you out for breaking the rules.

- If you want to eat and drink, then by all means do. The most recent research encourages this anyway. It's just gonna take a while for the hospitals to catch up. I had lots of goodies and sports drinks packed in my labor bag.

-You don't have to wear the awful tent gown they give you. I labored in a sports bra. I only wore that dreaded gown for about 3 hours after delivery, and that's b/c my dad was in the room. I was in my own night gown very quickly. I was comfortable and happy in it! As long as you are aware that birth is a messy business, and what you wear may be ruined, it's not a big deal. Put whatever you want on. (Or off).

-If your baby looks good on the monitor at the initial 15 minute strip, then you can take it off!!! No matter what their policy is, you can take it off yourself and walk, rock, chill on the ball, or get in the shower. Be blunt- ask if your baby was okay on the monitor, and if so take it off and do as you please. (This is assuming you aren't attached to necessary antibiotics, an epidural, or pitocin). Laying on your back, in the bed, is the worst thing you can do to help your labor progress. (Side note- Continuous fetal monitoring (CFM) is NOT a recommendation of ACOG (American college of obs/gyns). So feel free to share that with any nurse trying to bully you into staying on the monitor.

-Ask for what you need. I suggest asking for a birth ball as soon as you get there. Sitting and rocking on it can help tremendously with the contractions, and with helping your bambino move down in the pelvis. Ask for a birth squatting bar. It attaches to your bed, and you can hold onto it to squat. Squatting is another fabulous thing to help move a baby down into the pelvis.

- You can leave when your baby is 24 hours old. You just have to let them know that's what you want to do. Be persistent! We left the hospital at 8:30 at night. A little untraditional, but I couldn't wait to get out of there. As soon as Drake's bilirubin results were back, we were dashing out of there. I didn't even wait for a wheelchair, lol.

4. Uh oh, your water broke. What's next?

I think it's hilarious how in movies, women always have babies about ten minutes after their water breaks. As if. Oh how I wish that was so simple. The truth is many women don't even go into labor when their water breaks. I know it can sound confusing. But in essence, your water breaking doesn't mean you are truly in active labor. Dilation and effacement of your cervix, along with effective contractions, are what mean you are in labor. So what should you do if your water breaks? First- go eat and drink whatever fits your fancy. You will need that energy later. Second, go take a shower or bath. You can do all that while your hubby loads the car, and makes sure everything else is in order for the new family addition! You'll be wanting to pay attention to your body during all this, and if you do have contractions, then you probably won't be able to ignore them. So, what happens if you do start having contractions? Great! Follow the 5-1-1 rule, and go to the hospital when your contractions meet that. But, what if no contractions start? Well, there are a few things you could do. A- Walk! B- Move around! C- Nipple stimulation. Get out your breast pump for nipple stimulation if you have one, and if not go old school and enlist your husband. This is probably what got you into this situation in the first place. One thing I would not personally do is call my midwife just to tell her my water broke. Why you ask? Because there is this ridiculous and imaginary clock that starts when your water breaks, for most OB's and some midwives. They will tell you that because of the risk of infection, you automatically need a c/s at 24 hours. In my humble opinion, that is bullshit. The biggest contributor to infection is repeated and unnecessary vaginal exams, not ruptured membranes. You need to ask important questions if this is the situation you find yourself in. First, does Mommy have a fever? Second, does baby look good on the monitor? If those answers are no and yes, then there is no reason to pressure Mom to consider a C/S. You may also very well be pressured to consent to a pitocin drip if your water has been broken a while, and progress isn't being made. Pit is hell on earth (from what I've heard), and has ruined many women's goals of NCB. However, if you know you want an epidural, and aren't worried about Pitocin causing undue stress on the baby, then getting started on a pit drip probably isn't that big of a deal for you. I will repeat that Pit can cause distress in your baby!!!!!! It can cause long and excessive contractions that suppress bloodflow and oxygen to your baby. If your nurse and doctor/midwife are in a hurry for you to deliver, then they probably will leave out the negative aspects of starting on Pitocin.

5. YOUR baby; Not the staff's.

Again, it does not matter WHAT the nurse claims the hospital policy to be. You DO NOT have to let your child go to the nursery for any routine care or exams. This can all be done in your room. If all is not well with bambino, then by all means let them take them to where they can be more closely monitored and cared for. But that's not what I'm referring to here. Healthy babies belong with Mom. Feel free to refuse to let them go to the nursery, "just because" it's easier for the staff since that's their normal routine. Your body, your baby, your choice.

6. Taking probiotics and avoiding sex for two weeks before your GBS swab can contribute to a negative result. The GBS swab is usually done at 36 weeks. Just another helpful FYI from my very favorite midwife Tina. (You want to be negative)

7. Packing for the hospital

There are tons of lists out there for this, so I won't go into huge detail. My essentials were: chapstick, hair ties/hairbands, ipod with earphones, my own sportsbra and nightgowns/lounge clothes. As far as toiletries, I found the hospital lacking. The solution is Target's travel size section. They have EVERYTHING a girl could ever want. And since you pack it all so far in advance, it makes it easy so you won't need it before D-Day. Toss in your tube of lanolin for your boobs. The hospital provides monster sized pads, and "peri bottles" to clean your vajayjay with. Steal as many of those peri bottles as you can. The hospital will provide everything for the baby, including diapers. Mine even gave Drake a sweet knit hat made by the volunteers.

Now, for the baby. You only need two outfits, b/c the hospital will provide little shirts and blankets. One outfit for the infamous hospital picture, and one "going home outfit". I'd pack a newborn size, NOT the 0-3 month size. You can leave the carseat and blanket in the car until the last second.

That's all I can think of for now. I've been in the process of writing this for forever it seems. Life got in the way of finishing it. Hopefully it will provide some of my friends with info they didn't have, and also make some feel empowered. You may be a patient, but you aren't a prisoner. You don't have to "follow all the rules" if you realize that some are pointless. I hope everyone gets a birth experience like mine with Drake!!! (I'm certainly hoping for that with Eli)

A Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy

So, the title of this post is also the title of a book I read while pregnant with Drake. It was easy reading, but it's not on my list of "must-reads" for pregnancy. But it's a cute and catchy title, I have to admit. I wanted to write my last post about unsolicited advice (that was actually solicited), with more reference and less bias. But I feel like I did my pregnant friends a disservice, because I did not say a lot of things that I feel are really important to say. This post is a lot more of my opinion and personal thoughts. But I really think they should be shared, in case my pregnant friends never hear them from anyone else. I got so sick of people constantly giving advice, opinions, and horror stories while I was pregnant. Especially when I didn't ask for it. For that reason, I'm just putting my two cents on my blog, rather than discussing it with each friend. It's much easier to just close out this website, than to tell me to shut the hell up. :-)

It kinda goes back to what I've already said a million times before- if you don't like what I have to say on my blog, then QUIT READING.

So here goes.

There is this little thing called the cascade of interventions. It's kinda like a slippery slope. You know, where you innocently choose one thing, which leads to the next, and the next, and the next, and before you know it you are in a situation you really didn't want? I have seen that happen WAY too many times. Every single C-section I've done at work that is indicated b/c of "Failure to Progress", is usually (or so it seems) because of this cascade of interventions.

So how do you not become a victim of this cascade? A- Educate yourself. B- Choose a care provider who does not routinely perform unneeded interventions. You'll read more about all the interventions throughout this post.

1. Inductions. Just don't do it, unless it's medically necessary. What do I mean? Basically, there are two reasons for inductions. Those that are medically necessary, and those that are for convenience. People have many reasons for convenience inductions. And if having a c/s doesn't bother you, then this probably doesn't even matter to you. (Go right ahead in other words). But I just want you to know that having your labor induced, especially with a first baby, will more likely lead to a c/s, than going into labor spontaneously. I don't care what your OB tells you, this is the truth. If you think about it, an induction usually works out better for your OB as well. They can hopefully have you delivered before their dinner plans. No surprise 3 am wakeup calls.

So, what about medically indicated C/S? This is where I feel women should really educate themselves if they are put in this situation. Do not blindly and ignorantly follow your OB's recommendations, without at least doing a little bit of your own research. Preeclampsia is a great reason for induction. So is a true IUGR. (Intrauterine growth retardation). A serious and severe decrease in amniotic fluid can be dangerous and a good reason for induction. But ask what your numbers are, and do some research about it. Make sure the fluid levels are as dangerously low as your OB claims they are. Do not blindly follow their advice!

You are not "overdue" until you are 42 weeks. Average gestation is about 41 weeks and 3 days, when pregnancy is left alone, and nature takes over. I'm sure it's miserable, but it's still a suck ass reason to induce. Another personal pet peeve of mine is inducing for "big babies". First off, ultrasounds royally suck at guesstimating weights. They can be TWO pounds off. Secondly, I happen to believe that our bodies don't grow babies so big that our bodies can't deliver them. I even mean that for Mom's with gestation diabetes!

So, if you have a medical indication for induction, it's important to consider your Bishop's score. There a few categories that go into determining your score, and I won't go into it here. But ask what your score is, and what it means. (The short version is that your Bishop's score helps tell you how successful your induction will be (or will not be).

2. Firing your OB/MW.

You are a customer. A paying customer. One with a brain, and a choice. You do NOT have to stay with your OB/MW. You can usually switch practices, all the way up to your third trimester. If you aren't having calls returned, or visits that answer your questions, or just aren't feeling a connection with your care provider.....then do NOT be afraid to switch. If your care provider degrades you or speaks down to you, then they aren't being respectful. If they do this while your pregnant, what's going to happen when you are in labor? You will be at your most vulnerable then, and probably unable to advocate for yourself. You really need a care provider that you trust and respect, and more importantly they should trust and respect you. Their care philosophies should match yours. And don't be afraid to ask blunt and difficult questions. This is YOUR body, YOUR baby, and YOUR birth. You are calling the shots here. Your care provider is not a god. Yes, they may have gone to med school or midwifery school, but they are still not a god. Do not blindly trust them. Educate and empower yourself. Make decisions WITH them, rather than sitting back and letting them make them for you. Our maternity system can sometimes be quite patriarchal, and encouraging of Mom's to sit back, shut up, and do as they are told. But you are the patient, and you have a choice. A choice about EVERYTHING. From who takes care of you, to whether you eat in labor, to what you feed your baby. Educate yourself, empower yourself, and STAND UP for yourself. You deserve it.

3. Hospital policy.

This is kind of a spin off from number two. Don't feel like you have to be a "good little girl" as a patient. No matter what "hospital policies" exist, they aren't going to kick you out for breaking the rules.

- If you want to eat and drink, then by all means do. The most recent research encourages this anyway. It's just gonna take a while for the hospitals to catch up. I had lots of goodies and sports drinks packed in my labor bag.

-You don't have to wear the awful tent gown they give you. I labored in a sports bra. I only wore that dreaded gown for about 3 hours after delivery, and that's b/c my dad was in the room. I was in my own night gown very quickly. I was comfortable and happy in it! As long as you are aware that birth is a messy business, and what you wear may be ruined, it's not a big deal. Put whatever you want on. (Or off).

-If your baby looks good on the monitor at the initial 15 minute strip, then you can take it off!!! No matter what their policy is, you can take it off yourself and walk, rock, chill on the ball, or get in the shower. Be blunt- ask if your baby was okay on the monitor, and if so take it off and do as you please. (This is assuming you aren't attached to necessary antibiotics, an epidural, or pitocin). Laying on your back, in the bed, is the worst thing you can do to help your labor progress. (Side note- Continuous fetal monitoring (CFM) is NOT a recommendation of ACOG (American college of obs/gyns). So feel free to share that with any nurse trying to bully you into staying on the monitor.

-Ask for what you need. I suggest asking for a birth ball as soon as you get there. Sitting and rocking on it can help tremendously with the contractions, and with helping your bambino move down in the pelvis. Ask for a birth squatting bar. It attaches to your bed, and you can hold onto it to squat. Squatting is another fabulous thing to help move a baby down into the pelvis.

- You can leave when your baby is 24 hours old. You just have to let them know that's what you want to do. Be persistent! We left the hospital at 8:30 at night. A little untraditional, but I couldn't wait to get out of there. As soon as Drake's bilirubin results were back, we were dashing out of there. I didn't even wait for a wheelchair, lol.

4. Uh oh, your water broke. What's next?

I think it's hilarious how in movies, women always have babies about ten minutes after their water breaks. As if. Oh how I wish that was so simple. The truth is many women don't even go into labor when their water breaks. I know it can sound confusing. But in essence, your water breaking doesn't mean you are truly in active labor. Dilation and effacement of your cervix, along with effective contractions, are what mean you are in labor. So what should you do if your water breaks? First- go eat and drink whatever fits your fancy. You will need that energy later. Second, go take a shower or bath. You can do all that while your hubby loads the car, and makes sure everything else is in order for the new family addition! You'll be wanting to pay attention to your body during all this, and if you do have contractions, then you probably won't be able to ignore them. So, what happens if you do start having contractions? Great! Follow the 5-1-1 rule, and go to the hospital when your contractions meet that. But, what if no contractions start? Well, there are a few things you could do. A- Walk! B- Move around! C- Nipple stimulation. Get out your breast pump for nipple stimulation if you have one, and if not go old school and enlist your husband. This is probably what got you into this situation in the first place. One thing I would not personally do is call my midwife just to tell her my water broke. Why you ask? Because there is this ridiculous and imaginary clock that starts when your water breaks, for most OB's and some midwives. They will tell you that because of the risk of infection, you automatically need a c/s at 24 hours. In my humble opinion, that is bullshit. The biggest contributor to infection is repeated and unnecessary vaginal exams, not ruptured membranes. You need to ask important questions if this is the situation you find yourself in. First, does Mommy have a fever? Second, does baby look good on the monitor? If those answers are no and yes, then there is no reason to pressure Mom to consider a C/S. You may also very well be pressured to consent to a pitocin drip if your water has been broken a while, and progress isn't being made. Pit is hell on earth (from what I've heard), and has ruined many women's goals of NCB. However, if you know you want an epidural, and aren't worried about Pitocin causing undue stress on the baby, then getting started on a pit drip probably isn't that big of a deal for you. I will repeat that Pit can cause distress in your baby!!!!!! It can cause long and excessive contractions that suppress bloodflow and oxygen to your baby. If your nurse and doctor/midwife are in a hurry for you to deliver, then they probably will leave out the negative aspects of starting on Pitocin.

5. YOUR baby; Not the staff's.

Again, it does not matter WHAT the nurse claims the hospital policy to be. You DO NOT have to let your child go to the nursery for any routine care or exams. This can all be done in your room. If all is not well with bambino, then by all means let them take them to where they can be more closely monitored and cared for. But that's not what I'm referring to here. Healthy babies belong with Mom. Feel free to refuse to let them go to the nursery, "just because" it's easier for the staff since that's their normal routine. Your body, your baby, your choice.

6. Taking probiotics and avoiding sex for two weeks before your GBS swab can contribute to a negative result. The GBS swab is usually done at 36 weeks. Just another helpful FYI from my very favorite midwife Tina. (You want to be negative)

7. Packing for the hospital

There are tons of lists out there for this, so I won't go into huge detail. My essentials were: chapstick, hair ties/hairbands, ipod with earphones, my own sportsbra and nightgowns/lounge clothes. As far as toiletries, I found the hospital lacking. The solution is Target's travel size section. They have EVERYTHING a girl could ever want. And since you pack it all so far in advance, it makes it easy so you won't need it before D-Day. Toss in your tube of lanolin for your boobs. The hospital provides monster sized pads, and "peri bottles" to clean your vajayjay with. Steal as many of those peri bottles as you can. The hospital will provide everything for the baby, including diapers. Mine even gave Drake a sweet knit hat made by the volunteers.

Now, for the baby. You only need two outfits, b/c the hospital will provide little shirts and blankets. One outfit for the infamous hospital picture, and one "going home outfit". I'd pack a newborn size, NOT the 0-3 month size. You can leave the carseat and blanket in the car until the last second.

That's all I can think of for now. I've been in the process of writing this for forever it seems. Life got in the way of finishing it. Hopefully it will provide some of my friends with info they didn't have, and also make some feel empowered. You may be a patient, but you aren't a prisoner. You don't have to "follow all the rules" if you realize that some are pointless. I hope everyone gets a birth experience like mine with Drake!!! (I'm certainly hoping for that with Eli)

My unsolicited advice (kinda)

I have five friends pregnant right now, and for four of them it's their first. I get lots of questions (not just from them) about book and general advice. While I'm a very big believer in natural childbirth (NCB), breastfeeding, and babywearing, I really try hard not to talk much about that specifically. I figure that my friends know I did all of those things, so they'll ask specifically if they want more information. Recently, I've been getting more questions on those things. And like my CD post, I decided one big post on my blog should cover it all. And like that post, this is all purely my opinion. If anyone has any (positive) recommendations to add via comment, feel free to add them.

The first thing I recommend is to make sure you have a care provider that you are on the same page with. For example, if you want a NCB, you'll have a better chance of getting it with a midwife. If you know you want an epidural and C-section, then go with an OB with a high section rate, since they obviously have the experience.

If you are just beginning your research on what type of birth you want, I highly recommend the book "Your Best Birth" by Abby Epstein and Ricki Lake. It's very easy reading, and will help get you thinking about what's important to you. I would then move to "A Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" by Henci Goer. I LOVE this book. It's very statistically and scientifically based. For women who think that a convenience induction at 39 weeks, an epidural at 2cm, and letting your OB/MW break your water are harmless, then this is the book for you. Informed consent in obstetrics is a joke, and this book will help educate women.

The documentary "The Business of Being Born" is a great movie to get you thinking. You can get it from Netflix. It's about the state of obstetrics and birth in America. I think it's another great place to start.

Now, as far as where NOT to start. Skip TLC shows. They are a joke. Do NOT read "What to Expect When Expecting". If you want to buy a book at Barnes and Nobles, check out "Your Pregnancy Week by Week". I have major issues with the "Babywise" books. So much so, I threw the one I had in the trash, rather than resell it or pass it along. There is sound scientific evidence that the Babywise methods can be physically harmful to your child. Research this fully if someone recommends it, before deciding it's for you.

Now, if you've checked out the above books and information, and you've decided you want more of a natural and intervention free birth (as well as raising your child more "natural"), good for you. (If not, still, good for you. In the end, all our sweet babies need is our love.)

So, what's next? Since birth comes before the baby, I'll start there. The very first thing I would do is run out and buy Ina May Gaskins book, "A Guide to Childbirth". Ina May is a world famous midwife. She is the only midwife to have a medical procedure named after her, and taught in medical school/OB residencies. I love her book. The first half of it is full of amazing birth stories, that are inspiring. The second half is really interesting information and theories related to childbirth. I love the part about sphincters!

If after all that, you've decided that a NCB is for you, it's time to do some serious preparation. This is how I've had someone explain it to me, and so I'll share it. You wouldn't go out to run a marathon without training for it. You would spend months jogging, running, and training. The same thing goes for childbirth. It's HARD work, physically and emotionally. And if you are going to do it without drugs, then you've GOT to prepare. There are a few main programs out there to choose from. I did hypnobabies. I loved it, and I'm doing it again for Eli's birth. There is also hypnobirthing, which is a little different. Another popular program is the Bradley Method. I'd say just look up all three, and pick whichever seems to mesh best with your personality.

I wouldn't pay lots of money if you are on the fence about NCB. If you are going into it with the mindset that you'll just avoid drugs unless you really need them, then it's pointless. It takes a FULL and total commitment , because there will most certainly be a point in your labor where you think you really need an epidural or drugs. Then, in a way , you've wasted money on the classes. However, it never hurts to do some preparation. If the goal is to make it as far as possible in the labor without drugs, then most certainly do some preparation. I just don't see the point in someone spending time on a program like the above, if they know without a doubt they want an epidural when they roll in the door.

I need to wrap this up b/c The Bachelor is coming on, LOL.

As far as breastfeeding, just know it hurts and can be difficult. It may be natural, but that doesn't mean it's going to be easy. Know this in advance, and fully commit to it, b/c you'll need that commitment to get through the first couple of weeks. Then it's easy breezy!

As far as wearing your baby, check out thebabywearer.com. I highly suggest investing in a Moby wrap for the first six months or so. LOVE THE MOBY!!! We use a babyhawk meitai carrier now. I also like my hotsling. A lot of ladies I know swear by the Ergo carrier, but I don't have one.

Now, questions and positive comments welcome!

A thankful post

While I don't live in Charlotte, and my midwives there aren't currently providing my care, I am still extremely thankful for them.

Each and every one of the five.

I met Jan first, so we'll start with her. I love her for so many reasons. She was SO encouraging and optimistic. To quote her, "You're going to get pregnant and STAY pregnant!". She told me in not so many words that if I was having a mental freak out moment, and just needed confirmation, to just call the office and tell them I was having cramps. I love this woman b/c she told me how to get around the system called insurance. And from that VERY first visit, she gave me a great big bear hug every time I saw her.

I think I met Tina next. Tina gets a gold star because she answered TWENTY SIX questions on my list at the 20 week visit. TWENTY SIX. Seriously, I get a freaking award that. It's funny now. She sat down, talked with me, and never once acted impatient to get out of that room. Later in my pregnancy, Tina scolded me. I was later thankful for the scolding. She told me to QUIT trying to always diagnose myself, and to CALL them with any issues or questions. She told me that they were there for me no matter what, and to never hesitate to call them. Tina was the midwife on call the day Drake was born, and was the one to catch him! She was so calming and reassuring, talked me through contractions, and encouraged me the entire way. She really coached me through pushing so that I wouldn't tear. She respected and honored my every wish. And bless her heart, she came to my room the next am, just to tell me how proud she was of me. She had her purse, and looked like hell after working a 24 hour call shift, but she still came by for 15 seconds just to say that. It really meant a lot to me to hear that from her. I had my 6 week PP visit with her, and I saw her for my first couple visits with this pregnancy. She really went above and beyond for me, even though I was leaving their practice. She got on the computer in the exam room, and went to the internet to search for midwives in the Florence area. She didn't have to do that, but it's just how these ladies are. They always go the extra step.

I met Sage next. Oh, Sage. I was NOT a fan at first. She royally pissed me off at first impression. However, she really redeemed herself, and I ended up loving her. She quickly realized that I was serious about a natural childbirth, despite being a CRNA. She also sat and chatted at numerous visits, about ways to increase my chances of NCB. She recommended books, helped reshape my thinking, and suggested the arnica oil to use during pushing.

I met Nancy next, and just for the one time. She never did appts at the location I went to, but was on call the only time I went to L&D before actual delivery. I was there about 33 weeks, concerned that my water may have broken. She was sweet, honest, and really down to earth. Once again, I almost felt like I was just chatting with a girlfriend. All of the midwives made me feel like they were old friends.

Gannon was the last midwife I met, b/c she joined the practice when I was around 36 weeks. I saw her for my last few visits, and thought she was an absolute sweetheart. She was the midwife I saw in the office the morning Drake was born. I swear her quick little exam put me into full blown labor. Therefore, I am a BIG Gannon fan. She was on call the day after Drake was born, and could not believe I had delivered so soon after seeing her. I truly went from "zero to sixty" after seeing her that morning.

Tonight I decided to write about why I love these women so much, rather than whine about how much I miss them. I wish every woman could find providers they loved to pieces.

It's time...

It's either time for action, or time for a change of plans. I had the chance today to speak with the nurse manager of the L&D floor where I work. This is (obviously) where I'll be delivering our next addition. To make a long story short, I wasn't happy with her answers to my questions. Their lack of proper equipment for a natural birthing mom was disturbing. Their policies regarding visitors are deplorable. I was not impressed, to say the least. Combine that with my general level of unhappiness and dissatisfaction with the OB's office, and now I'm thinking about a change of plans.

You guessed it, I'm finally considering a midwife attended homebirth. Eric and I still have to get some questions answered by the midwife, mostly regarding what emergency equipment and supplies she travels with. I'm hoping to meet her and love her, and have the decision be an easy one.

At the same time, I'd also like to try and implement change within my employers L&D services. Some of their policies do not match the other hospital in town, and they are going to have to change those in order to stay competitive. Quite a bit of their routine doesn't follow current research; it's not evidence based practice. I intend to point that out, but doubt anything will come of it. At least I know it would in MY birth, because I'd demand it. I'm drafting a letter to send to the hospital CEO, and any other administrators involved in the L&D unit of Women's Services. Who knows if anyone will even read the letters, or much less care to do anything about it. But it will make me feel better to at least write them. Maybe they will actually take a look at their routine and policy, and other Moms will benefit. That would be beyond amazing.

I can say, for sure, 100% without doubt, that they will not get my business unless they at least amend the visiting policy for me. The other hospital in town will cost me more, since they aren't a "preferred provider" in my insurance network, but I'd consider them if my pregnancy became high risk.

Patients often assume they don't really have choices. They are told what's best for them, and what the hospital policy is, and they just go along with it. I hope just one person reads this and realizes, you DO have choices. Research, and empower yourself. Demand what you know is best for you and your family!!!

Other women's two cents....

This post is about other women's opinions. My two cents is posted two below this one, under the recent photos.

I asked around to the ladies on a natural childbirth message board that I frequent, to get some other opinions. Here is what I asked:

1. What wishes have you not had followed in the hospital? What have you had to ~fight~ for? What have you been belittled about?

2. Do you think elective C/S and inductions should be allowed, for no medical reason?

3. Are you like me, you don't really care as long as ALL women's choices are respected?

4. If you've never had a baby in a hospital, maybe you can share WHY you avoided it.

And here is a synopsis of the responses I got:
T.W. says, "But one nurse literally stabbed me with a needle to do a heplock even though I didn't want one, and the doctor said I didn't need it. But this nurse was crazy and kept stabbing at me. I disagree with elective c-sections and inductions, but I can't make people's choices for them and if they want to do it then that is their choice. It's just something I don't agree with."

M.O. says, "I haven't had any experiences with actual birth yet, but so far I've been pretty happy with the way both my doctor and hospital have reacted about my wishes for a natural birth. The only thing I haven't liked so far is I've gotten an occasional vibe that I think I'm a know-it-all for wanting a natural birth. For the most part my doctor has had very open dialogue about it, but occasionally she'll say something wanting me to explain myself or my wishes instead of being calm about it. Which makes me feel very small. It's definitely not appreciated when people do their own research. I can see both sides of the c-section argument. While I personally don't feel this way, some people have a tremendous fear of giving birth vaginally. The unknown is just too much for some people and they would rather be able to plan when the baby is coming and sort of "know" what the recovery entails (aka that of major surgery). So while I don't think elective c-sections should be encouraged, I really can't say that I don't think they shouldn't have them at all because some people are different. Just like how I'd do anything in my power to have a natural birth, some people really feel the same way about cesarians. I do think that there should be a bigger movement to expose all women, not just the ones who seek the information, to the possible joys of a natural birth and the concept that birth is a natural, instinctual process, and that both the woman's body and the baby know what to do. There are definitely situations where this does not hold true, but if people thought more positively about birth, I think it would bring the Csection rate down tremendously. As for insulting people about getting elective c-sections, I have mixed feelings about that, too. Birth is such a personal and life changing moment, that no one wants to feel that they were shortchanged with theirs. So its a pretty sensitive subject to say someone's way of birth was wrong when they have a child that they know and love as a result of it. On the other hand, I think everyone has the right to say how they feel and that both by you blogging about your feelings and people responding that they are insulted is a natural and acceptable communication. If I was going to be blogging I would want people to know about how I actually felt deep down, with no fluff, rather than sugar coat things and have it be superficial."

P.Q. says, "I avoided the hospital because I didn't want to have to fight anyone to get the birth I wanted. I am not sure how the hospital would have been, and I know my DH would have been fantastic at keeping everyone in line, but I really loved that he also got to enjoy our daughter's birth instead of having to keep one eye on all the medical staff. To me, hospitals are for the sick. Pregnancy isn't a disease. "

D.M. says," Since I have a good amount of experience attending planned natural births (as a doula) at the hospital I would go to if I couldn't have a homebirth I'll give you my *if only* answers. I would have to fight to have intermittent monitoring, even though ACOG sets that as the standard. I've never seen it allowed. I would have to know my rights to refuse routine GBS+ antibiotics if I wanted not to have them, likely with scare tactic lectures. I'd also have to go out of my way to wear my own clothing and play CDs. Delayed cord clamping would likely not be respected, and frequent vaginal exams would be done roughly and on the hour unless I REALLY stood up against that. Other interventions would be pushed- like pitocin or a cesarean, and pushing would be limited to on my back once the perineum was bulging. I'd fight to push in a gravity positive position and probably have to make threats to get to eat in labor and have DH catch. If me and my support people weren't on the ball I'd likely get a episiotomy without consent. Pain meds would be offered frequently unless I got really lucky with one of only a few NCB friendly nurses, and I'd get scare tactic speeches when refusing all the routine newborn procedures. Photos of pushing and birth would be banned, but I'd fight that too. I think medical procedures should not be done electively. Convenience inductions are a huge issue, and make birth less safe for mom and baby. Knowing the facts I cannot understand why someone would choose to induce or have a cesarean without need. "

M.B. says, "I am against elective sections... I personally am being my own advocate for a natural childbirth... My OB is already talking of induction and possible section because I have gestational diabetes... I personally know that my body can do what it is meant to do... I have chosen to go with a midwife after a confrontational OB appointment. I want a natural childbirth for many reasons... And I am going to stay strong with having a NCB... Yes I have already had my mom laugh in my face tell me I will fail and end up getting meds but that laugh has made my convictions stronger.... I stand by any woman who has, wants, or attempts a NCB but will not down them if they end up having interventions done for whatever reason... I do get irritated with women who already choose interventions well in advance, despite knowing the facts and research well before birth."

M.J. says, "I'm like you, as long as a woman's wishes are respected I don't care! in the end as long as mom and baby are happy and healthy that's all that matters. i had a NCB in a hospital and didn't have to 'fight' for anything. my MW did mention maybe breaking my water if i wanted to and I said no and she said no problem. my birth was quick, but they left us alone. my MW was right outside in the hallway and when we asked for a birth ball they were back with it in less than a minute. my nurses were wonderful and my MW was amazing. I think they didn't bother me because they knew I was there with a MW, and the MWs obviously follow different rules than the OB's. They didn't even attempt to put in an IV or anything! I did have to have monitoring but I was able to stand and it didn't bother me. I actually liked having my support team tell me when the contraction was ending. It was comforting for me."

From M.G., who's little stinker baby turned transverse during labor at a birth center, "A c section should NEVER EVER EVER be elective. It is major surgery and shame on any doctor who preforms one which is not medically necessary. The risks are too high. If someone is afraid of a vaginal birth, then get over it, or don't get pregnant. A woman I know got an elective section because she was afraid to deliver vaginally. It made me sick. I know a few people who had elective sections and I never agreed with one situation. I was at the birth center for about 24 hours before my hospital transfer. After the baby was born, the midwife made sure I got to hold her and breastfeed her before she was cleaned up. I had to fight to keep her in my room 24/7. They wanted me to stay for four days, we were there about 40 hours total. I had to specifically make sure I was not given any medicine that would alter my mental state. All I took was IV motrin and 1/2 dose percocet. It was VERY important to me to be present for the arrival of my baby, to breastfeed as soon as possible, and to take care of her best I could given the situation. Multiple times I had to refuse medicine they wanted to give me. As long as i got my motrin on time, I was ok with the pain from the surgery. I wanted to avoid a hospital birth for many reasons. The advantages of birthing at the birth center are HUGE-- -comfortable, relaxed environment -intermittent monitoring with doppler -able to walk, bathe, go outside, etc, during labor -able to eat during labor -labor and delivery in any position suitable for you and the baby -care and respect of the midwives and nurses -the bonding post birth -the short stay at the birth center post birth. -the home visit post birth by the midwife or nurse" From

M.S. "My 1st 2 children were induced on my due date - no medical reason - and I didn't know any better. My 3rd child I my water started leaking and I went into labor on my own, on my due date. Even though I was contracting 1 min apart, I was in denial that I was in labor. Afterall, I had only ever experienced pitocin contrax. So I sat around home for hours before finally going to the hospital. When I arrived my contractions were almost back to back and I was 6 cm dilated. Sounds pretty far to me!! Well my OB told me he was going to start pit to "speed things up". I told him there was no way, I was progressing just fine on my own. (This was at 6pm). Then he kept urging me to get the epidural. He said "There is No way you can do this without it". I told him if I went through 2 pitocin deliveries, the first being 29 hours long, with NO epidural or pain meds, I could do it this time too. But he continued to tell me there was no way I could do it. 3 hours 7 minutes later my son was born with no pitocin and no epidural after stalling at 7cm for 2 hours due to him being posterior. I too am very against elective inductions/c-sections especially for reasons of 'convenience'. I've seen women choose to be induced at 37 weeks, or even earlier, just so certain family members could be there. Then came all the "why me's" when their little ones were in the NICU for days or even weeks. The only reason I find "legit" for a schedule c-sect before the due date is if it is dangerous for the mother - or baby - for that mother to go into labor. But inductions because a mom is just 'tired of being pg' or to be sure to get a certain Dr. or have certain family members there - I just find that wrong and dangerous. All 6 of my children were born at the hospital, first 3 by OB's, my last 3 (and this one will be) by a midwife. My last 3 were the best experiences I've ever had. No drug pushers, no being tied down by monitors, etc."

W. D. says, "I do not agree with elective cesareans. Even though I had one. Of course, it was a repeat, but I didn't know any better and I was scared into it. Like many others have pointed out, there are so many reasons why they are wrong. I don't think a woman should ever have an elective cesarean for a first birth, unless there is a medical reason...but then, that wouldn't be elective, would it? However, I feel it is up to a woman to decide what she wants. I also think, that if women were told the *true* risk factors of each birthing option...vaginal, C/S, ERCS, VBAC...and aren't being given scare tactics about any of the options, just the facts...then I'd feel better about the choice they make. I didn't really have to fight, per say, for anything in the hospital. I had to search really hard to find a hospital and OB that didn't have a ban on VBA2C's, though. I ended up having to drive over 2 hours. That was not fun when I went past my due date and had to get NST's 2 times a week! In the hospital I had to have a hep-lock and CFM. I didn't want those, but I was willing to compromise to be able to attempt my VBA2C. My midwife was truly a midwife. She came to the hospital and stayed until my baby was born. She was a great advocate for me. She is the one that told the nurses, "She is not in ANY pain, and she refuses to answer that question. Please don't ask it again."

A.P. just wanted to ditto how fabulous a birth center was! She had a great experience at one with her daughter.

L.L says, " Just a first timer so no first hand experience yet, but I am very passionate that Elective C/S and Inductions should NOT be allowed. Well, actually scratch that, they should be allowed if the mommy wants to pay for it out of pocket. They should NOT be covered by insurance. It's unnecessary intervention that is driving up our health care costs and it makes me sick to my stomach. Not to mention, the risks are NOT fully discussed with the mommies (and I mean long term fertility risks - not just scarring, etc) - Elective procedures should be treated as such and doctors should be paid incentives if they can keep their elective procedures to a minimum. No matter how you look at it, it is very risky in so many ways."

E.L. says, "For my last 2 births (at the same hospital) I was able to get them to allow me to vary from hospital policy without a fight on the following things: I wore my own clothes I had intermittent monitoring I had infrequent cervical exams (probably more due to water being broken than to my request) Here are the things I had to fight on and I was not successful in winning these battles (hence the part of the reason for the doula this time to help back us up): - Hep-lock - they always want to give this to me immediately even though they don't have any reason to give me meds. They want it there "just in case" - Rejection of medication for pain - I have not had a nurse that supported this at the hospital. They seem to think there is no point to skipping the epidural. - I can't refuse salve in baby's eye's or vitamin K shot due to my state's laws. - Our hospital gives mom 1 hour to bond with baby after birth and then insists on a stay in the nursery for a couple hours for bath and monitoring. I have never been successful in delaying or eliminating the bath or keeping baby for more than an hour before allowing him to go to the nursery for their routine tests. On the issue of elective inductions and c/s - I agree with the previous post that said that if you can pay out of pocket for them then I guess it is every persons choice. I think they are wrong and would never elect to have my baby before he/she was ready unless there was a serious medical issue making it safer to deliver than to allow the pregnancy to progress on its own."


Thanks ladies for all of your input! I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my questions. Maybe we'll have some ladies comment on why they DO believe in convenience c-sections and inductions, and a nice discussion will ensue. Or a debate, whatever you want to call it. I've been pondering lately, trying to figure out why I've become so passionate about natural childbirth. I haven't come up with any good reasons. Maybe because women who want one are in the minority, and I feel, often mistreated. I have always been one to pull for the underdog, and maybe this is kinda an example of that. I did find it interesting that someone pointed out that these elective procedures may not irritate others, if they were paid for out of pocket. Well, why aren't they? I think that is a great question. Any other purely elective surgery wouldn't be covered, so why is an induction or cesearean? Obviously, I am talking about PURELY elective stuff here. It is yet another thing to drive up our cost of healthcare. I know one thing for sure-- the day MY tax money helps pay for this, I will go through the roof. I wonder if (or how much) the percentage of women choosing convenience sections and inductions would go down, if they had to fork over the thousands of dollars it cost. I'm sure we'll never know, because the percentage would go down, and hospitals would lose money. Okay, enough typing for now. My fingers hurt. Ouchie.